Rockers Unite for the South Jersey Food Bank

For this installment of our almost weekly newsletter, we're pleased to announce a few exciting new efforts which we hope will warrant your participation.

Let's Rock the Food Bank!

The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season. Just inside our front door there is a container we hope to fill with canned and nonperishable food. Collection will continue through December 18th. If you have any extra stuff in the pantry, we encourage you to help this worthy cause your next visit. If you wish to purchase food to donate, Pathmark has been good enough to erect an entire supermarket just a few doors down from our shop.

Gift Card Flexibility

Did you know that The Laboratory offers gift cards? It's true. No really. Seriously. Look stop yelling at me OK? It's really, really true. Gift cards can be purchased in any denomination. For example, you can purchase a gift card for $21.12. Or, if you're in a more metal mood, you can purchase a gift card to cover the total including tax for an item valued at $6.22. If you have a fan of the movie Spinal Tap on your list, you can get them a gift card for $11. The possibilities are endless. So is this paragraph. Oh wait, it looks like it's ending.

YOU CAN BE THE QUESTION ASKING PERSON!!

This week's exciting third paragraph is on our new question and answer forum. It's simple, like so many of our little plans. If you have any question about music, music gear, music performance, subatomic particle physics, quantum entanglement, or drummer jokes, just reply to this email. Our panel of trained chimpanzees will deliberate on who gets to field your question and indicate a response using a complex series of foot gestures. The best questions and answers will be featured in future emails, read by future people like you. Most likely while traveling via jetpack.

So to recap: Please help us give to the needy with non perishable food items. Enjoy flexible denomination options for gift cards at The Laboratory. And feel free to send us your questions - however big or small - and we'll provide insightful and cleverly worded responses.

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

The Laboratory: Holiday Music Shopping Made Easy!

November is a month which starts with an N. It is the only one to do so since they outlawed Norktembruary, back in the A440s. It has been our observation that some trees are shedding their leaves, which is a sign that the holiday season is almost upon us.

And so it seems a good time to offer our dear customers - that's you - ways to give happiness to the musicians they love with the greatest of ease.

Super Easy Layaway

One easy way to ease into holiday shopping is the layaway, a strategy we're very proud of. In simplest terms, you purchase something by making just a small deposit initially. Then you make additional payments when it's convenient for you. Once you've paid the full amount, you take it home and hide it from the lucky rocker until the big day. This strategy has been recognized by our colleagues in other industries such as department stores and pet shops, and in fact has been imitated by some of the biggest corporations - in many cases dating back years before we opened our doors. So you can imagine the pride with which we offer you - our dear customers - the Original Lay-Away plan at The Laboratory - hereafter abbreviated TOLAPATL.

Interest-Free Financing

Another way to get a little more music for a little less green is our interest-free financing program. Any purchase over $249 qualifies for the no-interest program. The more you spend, the longer the interest-free period lasts. It only takes minutes to apply and we get a decision immediately so you can use your account right away.

Guaranteed Lowest Price

Another simple, basic, straightforward, unambiguous, plain, not needlessly preceded by adjectives strategy is great prices. We've always been keen to help people buy local, and ensure they're getting value. I mean, everybody likes to do business with the local shop, but it has to make good sense, right? So we're hereby establishing a low price guarantee. If you see something we're selling advertised at a lower price, we'll beat that price. That's right - not just match, but beat. In some cases we'll even require our staff to perform a quick softshoe routine while doing so. We're that serious.

Kids Can Make A Difference

We're positively giddy to be in business in Deptford New Jersey. We've met a lot of awesome musicians from the area, and we're very proud of our steadily growing roster of music students. But not everybody has as much to be thankful for as we can say we have. Moments before this writing I learned about Jonnie and Brookie, two young sisters who are on tour raising money for the Kids Can Make A Difference organization (KIDS). KIDS raises money to benefit the hungry, particularly through educating elementary school and middle school aged kids. Jonnie and Brookie are endorsed by Daisy Rock guitars, so we got to thinking, and decided that we're going to donate all the profits from any Daisy Rock guitars sold this month to KIDS. You can read about KIDS on the web site here: www.kidscanmakeadifference.org.

Sincerely,

The Ministry of Weekly Specials