Happy New Year from The Laboratory

Thank you again, to all our customers for making our store thrive in 2008. We're eagerly looking forward to a tremendous 2009, even though this last year will be a tough act to follow.

In 2008, The Laboratory:

(pause for effect)

• More than doubled in size
  
• Fleshed out our space with hundreds of new SKUs (that's industry talk for doodads)
  
• Sent out emails with lists of things
  
• Got fresh new haircuts
  
• Stood motionless as the universe twirled around us in orchestrated trajectories
  
• Made friends with a squirrel
  
• Disbanded and reformed the famed Ministry of Weekly Specials untold times
  
• Speelled words incorrectly
  

Most importantly, though, we convinced you that we had something good to offer. Thank you for your patronage - it is truly an honor to serve our customers. We'll be seeing you!

Please drive, pilot, row, or parambulate safely!

Thank you! Now here's a sweet sale for you!

Thank you all for a great holiday season in 2008! Because of your support, The Laboratory is assured of a prosperous and exciting 2009, in which we pledge to continue to provide for our customers outstanding service in our actions and appreciable value in our wares.

A heartfelt thanks goes out to our patrons who donated food at The Laboratory to the Food Bank of South Jersey Food Bank. Thanks to you, the Gloucester County Volunteer center picked up a full 289 ponds of chow for the needy! We musicians tend to have big hearts, so it's no surprise to this chronicler that our call to you to spare some food for the less fortunate was answered so passionately. Really, thank you VERY much.

By the time you read this, we will have closed our doors for the holiday, having secured The Laboratory with patrolling robotic sentinels against advancing hordes of unscrupulous imitators and Rick Astley cover bands, to enjoy a day of rest with our families. But never fear! We will open anew on Friday at 11am, and you will behold year-end prices, marked down to irresistible lows previously unimaginable!

These reduced prices will be good through year's end, so stuff will be flying off the shelves. Excepting of course stuff which is not on a shelf to begin with, which will be flying off of or out from its respective display area.

And thus, we have inaugurated the Annual End-of-Year Inventory Reduction Blow-Out Sale (at The Laboratory). Call now and save! Beware of cheap imitations!

Finally, for your holiday enjoyment, here's a video of Steve on the drums at the Elf Lodge near the North Pole a few nights back:

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, and Happy New Year!

Extended Holiday Shopping Hours

If there's one thing the staff at The Laboratory are not afraid of, it's hard work and long hours. Ravenous bears with human intelligence and motorcycles - that's what we're afraid of. And also going on stage and seeing the members of Dream Theatre in the audience holding clipboards. Very scary, that.

What was this email supposed to be about? The board of executives were very clear on that matter. And by clear, I mean that they carved the words "send big email don't mess up" into my locker with a penknife. Probably my penknife; it went missing the last time they had a meeting. And by meeting I mean cocktail party. Let's see... we covered the bears... OK That's it. Long hours. Right, then! Here goes:

The Laboratory will be open extended hours for the remainder of the holiday season! The amount of hours we are open will be extended, that is. Extending the actual hours relies on principles of timespace frame dragging which are not relevant to localized duration markers.

Here's the schedule:

Friday Dec 19th: 11am - 11pm

Saturday Dec 20th: 10am - 11pm

Sunday Dec 21st: 10am - 9pm

Monday Dec 22nd: 10am - 11pm

Tuesday Dec 23rd: 10am - 11pm

Wednesday Dec 24th:  10am - ???

Thursday Dec 25th: Closed.

Then it's back to the usual prearranged opening and closing coordinates.

Gift Cards Available

Did you know that The Laboratory offers gift cards? It's true. No really. Seriously. Look stop yelling at me OK? It's really, really true. Gift cards can be purchased in any denomination. For example, you can purchase a gift card for $21.12. Or, if you're in a more metal mood, you can purchase a gift card to cover the total including tax for an item valued at $6.22. If you have a fan of the movie Spinal Tap on your list, you can get them a gift card for $11. The possibilities are endless. So is this paragraph. Oh wait, it looks like it's ending.

Stocking Stuffers!

This Don't forget about the musician on your list. The Laboratory has hundreds of stocking stuffers available- DVD's, books, instrument polish, straps, tuners, metronomes, drum sticks, guitar & bass strings, instrument cases, drum heads, capos, slides, guitar and bass effects pedals, guitar stands, drum mutes, gift cards (did we say that already?), lessons, Rockademy Live, cymbals, practice amps, strap locks, cables......

Have a great holiday, and we'll be seeing you!

Last chance for sale pricing before Christmas

Many of you will recall our now celebrated announcement that The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season. For those who missed that email, The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season.

Well, the idle minds at the Ministry of Weekly Specials, long unresponsive after a particularly enthusiastic Martini night, have come up with their latest big idea. It combines a masterstroke of price discounting and a modicum of social consciousness. And here's how it goes:

This one goes to 11!

Bring in food items for the South Jersey Food Bank, and we will give you an extra 11% off any item in the shop. Except for the food stuff. That's for South Jersey Food Bank. Why 11%? Because this special goes to 11.

This offer is good on Saturday 12/13 and Sunday 12/14 only. Please bring non-perishable food items only.

Peavey Vypyr Amps

While you're here, make sure you check out the new Peavey Vypyr series amplifiers. They sound amazing, especially considering their modest pricing. Vypyr amps are loaded with a gobs of amp models and effects, providing a wealth of different sound and texture possibilities. Ask an associate for a demo!

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials