Beware the Amps Of March

Springtime is here! And, as you know, springtime is full of sunshine and lollipops. And by sunshine and lollipops, I mean music instruments and accessories.

Lotsa New Amps

A is for guitar amps. We have so many that the Cabal Of Insertion Of Made Up Terms is hard at work on creating a new word to encompass the very concept of just how many cool tones our customers are going to be able to dial in with all this amplification horsepower. (My suggestion was f'tmch, but that one's already taken.) We have plenty of exciting Vox models in, from the humble yet versatile little DA5 to the mighty AC30. We also have the re-imagined Marshall MG series. Marshall has closed more of the ground between solid state and tube tone with these latest MGs, which feature newly improved cabinets in addition to the enhanced electronics. And from Roland, we have the MicroCube, which is another awesome portable guitar amp with amp modeling and effects. And - get this - the micro cube has an electronic tuning fork, which goes "Binnnnng!" Say that last part out loud; you'll enjoy it more. Now if I had invented the electronic tuning fork, I would have called it the Electrofork, or the Ener-Zap-O-Matic, or simply the "Machine that goes Binnnnng." But, as the patent office is constantly reminding me in court, I am not an inventor.

And just what, you may well ask, are you supposed to plug into these many amps? Well, I for one would suggest perhaps one of the

  

New Schecter Guitars

Many of our customers lately have commented on a conspicuous bare area on the guitar wall. We would usually respond alternately that we were awaiting a new guitar shipment, or that we had to jettison some ballast before jumping to warp speed in hot pursuit of excellent value. One staffer even opined that the guitars had started brawling over which customer to go home with, and needed to be separated. Well, now is the moment of full disclosure. We had to make some room for a bunch of Schecter guitars. In the music industry, bunch is the term for designating lots or many. So now is a serendipitous time to stop in and sample some savings on scorching Schecter six strings supplemented by sonorous speakers. Slurpee saddle stonehenge scallions.

Tuner Melt

We at The Laboratory have for long been fans of tuners. Both audibly going "Binnnnng!" and silently measuring string tension, we have no preference. We just stock options and let You The People decide. Well, we're probably on to something, since demand has steadily risen for many models of electronic tuners. So, upon your next tuner quest, we invite you to check out our newly renovated Tuner Display. Wayne was hard at work all day yesterday putting the thing together and appointing it with the many varieties of tuner offerings. As Wayne likes to say, "much in the way that Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea, Tuners are the Pickin' of the C, D, E, F, G, A, and B, sharps and flats notwithstanding." Kinda has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Or more like a nice "Binnnnng!"

So in closing, come check out the Schecter guitars for great justice, make sure you tune up, and Beware the Amps of March. Et tu, guitarists. Et tu.

Et Tut.

E.T. phone Tut.

 

The Ministry of Weekly Specials 

Tax Holiday- Get More Gear for Your Money

Happy St. Patricks Day! With all of the talk of tax hikes going on, we thought it would be a good time to stick it to the man and offer a tax break instead.

The Laboratory Declares Tax Holiday

For a limited time, you can shop tax-free at The Laboratory. Come to the shop between Wednesday, March 18th and Tuesday, March 24th and for whatever you purchase, The Ministry of Weekly Specials themselves will pay your sales tax! Whether you're getting ready to cut a big check to the tax man, or to cash a big check from the tax man, you can take some comfort in knowing that your music dollars will stretch a little farther. How do we do this, you ask? Calculators! That's how.

The O'Laboratory

Today is the day people all around the world celebrate St. Patrick. While some aspects of the accuracy of historic accounts are debated, it is known that prior to driving the snakes out of Ireland, St. Patrick contemplated opening a music store. His fear that the store would be invaded by serpents may have been viewed as fanciful by some, but it is exactly this type of low probability/high impact event for which a modicum of vigilance is warranted. In the spirit of St. Patrick, The Laboratory staff, management, shareholders, and de facto animal handling cadre are similarly driving snakes from the land. This week only, save an additional 10% on any audio snake in stock. We have many in stock, with many varieties of connectors. They're snakelicious and connecttastic.

Rockademy Live Back At It

Rockademy Live, still dizzy with the tremendous success of their debut live performances, are back in session and rehearsing for more public showcasing of rock mastery. There are still a few openings, so call The Laboratory to sign up and be part of the excitement. Rockademy Live is the Rock School at The Laboratory. For more information, call The Laboratory, or go to this web site: www.therockademy.com. 

 

The Laboratory In Space (Cymbalicly)

Now is the time in this email when we turn to the stars. This Friday, the Earth will be situated so that day and night are equal in length. In celebration of the precise halving of hours into light and dark, this weekend we're offering the precision craftsmanship of in stock Paiste cymbals for half off MSRP!

We hereby ensure you, our laudable customers, that your shopping experience at The Laboratory will be as free of attacking reptiles as can be. At this point I need to point out that the faction of staffers chanting for me to include a joke about scales is in no way conducive to the output of quality marketing copy. Anyway... so committed are we to our pledge of snakelessness that we have eliminated snake food from our annual budget entirely. We figure, if there is nothing to entice the snakes, they will probably continue to leave us alone. We call this our No Snacks For Snakes campaign. I'm sure St. Patrick would approve. Please note that customers who shop from the convenience of home via our website may have to take precautions of their own.

 

The Ministry of Weekly Specials