Extended Holiday Shopping Hours

If there's one thing the staff at The Laboratory are not afraid of, it's hard work and long hours. Ravenous bears with human intelligence and motorcycles - that's what we're afraid of. And also going on stage and seeing the members of Dream Theatre in the audience holding clipboards. Very scary, that.

What was this email supposed to be about? The board of executives were very clear on that matter. And by clear, I mean that they carved the words "send big email don't mess up" into my locker with a penknife. Probably my penknife; it went missing the last time they had a meeting. And by meeting I mean cocktail party. Let's see... we covered the bears... OK That's it. Long hours. Right, then! Here goes:

The Laboratory will be open extended hours for the remainder of the holiday season! The amount of hours we are open will be extended, that is. Extending the actual hours relies on principles of timespace frame dragging which are not relevant to localized duration markers.

Here's the schedule:

Friday Dec 19th: 11am - 11pm

Saturday Dec 20th: 10am - 11pm

Sunday Dec 21st: 10am - 9pm

Monday Dec 22nd: 10am - 11pm

Tuesday Dec 23rd: 10am - 11pm

Wednesday Dec 24th:  10am - ???

Thursday Dec 25th: Closed.

Then it's back to the usual prearranged opening and closing coordinates.

Gift Cards Available

Did you know that The Laboratory offers gift cards? It's true. No really. Seriously. Look stop yelling at me OK? It's really, really true. Gift cards can be purchased in any denomination. For example, you can purchase a gift card for $21.12. Or, if you're in a more metal mood, you can purchase a gift card to cover the total including tax for an item valued at $6.22. If you have a fan of the movie Spinal Tap on your list, you can get them a gift card for $11. The possibilities are endless. So is this paragraph. Oh wait, it looks like it's ending.

Stocking Stuffers!

This Don't forget about the musician on your list. The Laboratory has hundreds of stocking stuffers available- DVD's, books, instrument polish, straps, tuners, metronomes, drum sticks, guitar & bass strings, instrument cases, drum heads, capos, slides, guitar and bass effects pedals, guitar stands, drum mutes, gift cards (did we say that already?), lessons, Rockademy Live, cymbals, practice amps, strap locks, cables......

Have a great holiday, and we'll be seeing you!

Last chance for sale pricing before Christmas

Many of you will recall our now celebrated announcement that The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season. For those who missed that email, The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season.

Well, the idle minds at the Ministry of Weekly Specials, long unresponsive after a particularly enthusiastic Martini night, have come up with their latest big idea. It combines a masterstroke of price discounting and a modicum of social consciousness. And here's how it goes:

This one goes to 11!

Bring in food items for the South Jersey Food Bank, and we will give you an extra 11% off any item in the shop. Except for the food stuff. That's for South Jersey Food Bank. Why 11%? Because this special goes to 11.

This offer is good on Saturday 12/13 and Sunday 12/14 only. Please bring non-perishable food items only.

Peavey Vypyr Amps

While you're here, make sure you check out the new Peavey Vypyr series amplifiers. They sound amazing, especially considering their modest pricing. Vypyr amps are loaded with a gobs of amp models and effects, providing a wealth of different sound and texture possibilities. Ask an associate for a demo!

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Rockers Unite for the South Jersey Food Bank

For this installment of our almost weekly newsletter, we're pleased to announce a few exciting new efforts which we hope will warrant your participation.

Let's Rock the Food Bank!

The Laboratory has joined with the Food Bank of South Jersey to help the needy this holiday season. Just inside our front door there is a container we hope to fill with canned and nonperishable food. Collection will continue through December 18th. If you have any extra stuff in the pantry, we encourage you to help this worthy cause your next visit. If you wish to purchase food to donate, Pathmark has been good enough to erect an entire supermarket just a few doors down from our shop.

Gift Card Flexibility

Did you know that The Laboratory offers gift cards? It's true. No really. Seriously. Look stop yelling at me OK? It's really, really true. Gift cards can be purchased in any denomination. For example, you can purchase a gift card for $21.12. Or, if you're in a more metal mood, you can purchase a gift card to cover the total including tax for an item valued at $6.22. If you have a fan of the movie Spinal Tap on your list, you can get them a gift card for $11. The possibilities are endless. So is this paragraph. Oh wait, it looks like it's ending.

YOU CAN BE THE QUESTION ASKING PERSON!!

This week's exciting third paragraph is on our new question and answer forum. It's simple, like so many of our little plans. If you have any question about music, music gear, music performance, subatomic particle physics, quantum entanglement, or drummer jokes, just reply to this email. Our panel of trained chimpanzees will deliberate on who gets to field your question and indicate a response using a complex series of foot gestures. The best questions and answers will be featured in future emails, read by future people like you. Most likely while traveling via jetpack.

So to recap: Please help us give to the needy with non perishable food items. Enjoy flexible denomination options for gift cards at The Laboratory. And feel free to send us your questions - however big or small - and we'll provide insightful and cleverly worded responses.

Thanks for reading!

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

The Laboratory: Holiday Music Shopping Made Easy!

November is a month which starts with an N. It is the only one to do so since they outlawed Norktembruary, back in the A440s. It has been our observation that some trees are shedding their leaves, which is a sign that the holiday season is almost upon us.

And so it seems a good time to offer our dear customers - that's you - ways to give happiness to the musicians they love with the greatest of ease.

Super Easy Layaway

One easy way to ease into holiday shopping is the layaway, a strategy we're very proud of. In simplest terms, you purchase something by making just a small deposit initially. Then you make additional payments when it's convenient for you. Once you've paid the full amount, you take it home and hide it from the lucky rocker until the big day. This strategy has been recognized by our colleagues in other industries such as department stores and pet shops, and in fact has been imitated by some of the biggest corporations - in many cases dating back years before we opened our doors. So you can imagine the pride with which we offer you - our dear customers - the Original Lay-Away plan at The Laboratory - hereafter abbreviated TOLAPATL.

Interest-Free Financing

Another way to get a little more music for a little less green is our interest-free financing program. Any purchase over $249 qualifies for the no-interest program. The more you spend, the longer the interest-free period lasts. It only takes minutes to apply and we get a decision immediately so you can use your account right away.

Guaranteed Lowest Price

Another simple, basic, straightforward, unambiguous, plain, not needlessly preceded by adjectives strategy is great prices. We've always been keen to help people buy local, and ensure they're getting value. I mean, everybody likes to do business with the local shop, but it has to make good sense, right? So we're hereby establishing a low price guarantee. If you see something we're selling advertised at a lower price, we'll beat that price. That's right - not just match, but beat. In some cases we'll even require our staff to perform a quick softshoe routine while doing so. We're that serious.

Kids Can Make A Difference

We're positively giddy to be in business in Deptford New Jersey. We've met a lot of awesome musicians from the area, and we're very proud of our steadily growing roster of music students. But not everybody has as much to be thankful for as we can say we have. Moments before this writing I learned about Jonnie and Brookie, two young sisters who are on tour raising money for the Kids Can Make A Difference organization (KIDS). KIDS raises money to benefit the hungry, particularly through educating elementary school and middle school aged kids. Jonnie and Brookie are endorsed by Daisy Rock guitars, so we got to thinking, and decided that we're going to donate all the profits from any Daisy Rock guitars sold this month to KIDS. You can read about KIDS on the web site here: www.kidscanmakeadifference.org.

Sincerely,

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Special of the Week from The Laboratory - Oct 6

This week at the Ministry Of Weekly Specials, there was quite a shake up. One of the Laboratory's highly secretive and corporate-savvy board of directors, having cranked up a Donnas album during the ride from their estate to the workplace, burst into the meeting, and declared in a commanding bellow that "girls rock!!" It is reported that some who were present actually put down their cocktails in astonishment.

Girls Rock Week!

The Ministry Of Weekly Specials is not a body of bureaucrats who takes lightly a commanding bellow from one of the board of directors, so they immediately bellowed commandingly at their junior staffers to commission a weekly special tailored for girls who rock.

So here it is: 25% off our regular discounted price on any Daisy Rock guitar or bass, and also (wait for it...) a free Laboratory tank-top shirt ($15 value). While supplies last, this week only, operators are standing by, call now and save!!

New Yamaha Electronic Drums

We just received a set of Yamaha's top-of-the-line electronic drums, the DTEXTREME III Special kit. This is the most advanced electronic drum kit ever made by the only company that makes both acoustic and electronic drums. Pair this kit with the MS100DR 100 watt monitor system for the ultimate setup for recording, rehearsal, and gigging. Please make an appointment to demo this kit!

New Breedlove Acoustics

We recently recieved a fresh batch of beautiful Breedlove acoustic guitars. These guitars are some of the finest acoustics available on the market today, comparable in quality to Taylor and Martin but with their own distinctive style. If you're in the market for a high-quality acoustic, you owe it to yourself to check Breedlove out. But don't wait long- these usually go fast!

Special of the Week from The Laboratory

After a weeks long journey to the rocky rings about Saturn, therein to search for the mythical ethyl ice moons, and a several weeks long sleeping it off from all that ethyl, The Laboratory's Ministry of  Weekly Specials has reconvened for this week's exciting weekly specials.

$100 off this guitar!

Double cutaway electric guitar with two humbuckers and coil taps: $100 off! Meet the Hohner TB2. Come in and try one out! The pickups are flexible and lively, and each has its own volume and tone knob. These guitars have a lot of tonal possibilities, and they deserve good home! Normally, these are $300. This week, they're $199. Available in transparent green, transparent blue, and cherry sunburst. Until 10/5, while supplies last.

New Faces

As of this month, we now have some new faces on hand, which are attached to individual bodies with feet and hands, to facilitate moving about and interacting with things. Many of you will already know these bright young folks, since they have already been staffing the Laboratory's music school. Now they're out of the lesson studios and on the floor to help you. Not while they're teaching, of course!

New Steinberg Interfaces

Functioning far beyond the envelope of traditional audio devices, MR816 CSX fuses a fully-featured FireWire interface and inbuilt DSP FX power with next-generation integrative technologies into one breathtakingly powerful production environment. Developed by Steinberg and Yamaha, this Advanced Integration DSP Studio is the hardware centerpiece of a latency-free recording and monitoring environment that fully exploits the flexibility and power of Steinberg's renowned Cubase Music Production System.

In other words, this is a high-powered interface with 8 built-in mic pres, plus the ability to offload some of your effect processing out of your computer. That allows you to record and playback more tracks, or used even more effects than before. All that with nearly zero-latency. We dig it!

Sincerely,

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Now: With more people inside!

As many of The Musician's Laboratory Blog readers have noted, it's been a while since our last post. Far be it from me to be unwilling to respond to the will of the people, so herewith is yet another post, filled with letters and punctuation in myriad combinations intended to express more or less complete thoughts.

A lot has been happening at The Laboratory, most significantly in the area of staffing. As of this month, we now have some new faces on hand, which are attached to individual bodies with feet and hands, to facilitate moving about and interacting with things. Many readers will already know these bright young folks, since they have already been staffing the Laboratory's music school.

Joe Lauricella, the wildly popular Guitar Medic, who has become a major presence at our store due to his growing clientele of guitarists and bassists, can now also be seen working at The Laboratory as a regular staffer. If you are here to look at guitars, who better than the area's premier setup expert to let you know just what makes your next axe the right one for you?

Ray Gallagher has been teaching drum set with us, and now joins the staff several nights a week. Ray's knowledge of all things music is well rounded: in addition to playing drums, he also plays guitar, bass, and keyboard, and is at present studying recording. Ray's hobbies are popping out from behind boxes and offering explanations to scientific questions which involve the behavior of drinking straws in varying pressures and gravitational effects.

Trevor Knauss, known to his Vulcan associates simply as Trevork, is our vocal instructor, and he also has expertise in violin and tuba. Yes tuba. Trevor plays guitar as well, so basically he's one of those guys. Recently he joined up with rock band Axis, which features the next person I'm going to write about. Namely:

Stefan Hojnacki is very tall. And he has long red hair. He has stupefyingly massive guitar chops. So when you see him, make sure you ask lots of questions about aardvarks. Stefan is on the showroom floor sparsely, since he stays quite busy bringing up the next generation of shred kings.

Please join us in warmly welcoming these four lads to the fold. We're a better shop for them.

But wait there's more! For example:

Orange Crush guitar packs. It's a cool Orange (the brand, not the color) guitar and Orange (the brand and also the color) Crush amplifier. It's a box of all that a potential rocker needs to realize their rock potential. And it's $239. A vote for Orange is a vote for Rock. On that matter there is little debate.