Special of the Week from The Laboratory

After a weeks long journey to the rocky rings about Saturn, therein to search for the mythical ethyl ice moons, and a several weeks long sleeping it off from all that ethyl, The Laboratory's Ministry of  Weekly Specials has reconvened for this week's exciting weekly specials.

$100 off this guitar!

Double cutaway electric guitar with two humbuckers and coil taps: $100 off! Meet the Hohner TB2. Come in and try one out! The pickups are flexible and lively, and each has its own volume and tone knob. These guitars have a lot of tonal possibilities, and they deserve good home! Normally, these are $300. This week, they're $199. Available in transparent green, transparent blue, and cherry sunburst. Until 10/5, while supplies last.

New Faces

As of this month, we now have some new faces on hand, which are attached to individual bodies with feet and hands, to facilitate moving about and interacting with things. Many of you will already know these bright young folks, since they have already been staffing the Laboratory's music school. Now they're out of the lesson studios and on the floor to help you. Not while they're teaching, of course!

New Steinberg Interfaces

Functioning far beyond the envelope of traditional audio devices, MR816 CSX fuses a fully-featured FireWire interface and inbuilt DSP FX power with next-generation integrative technologies into one breathtakingly powerful production environment. Developed by Steinberg and Yamaha, this Advanced Integration DSP Studio is the hardware centerpiece of a latency-free recording and monitoring environment that fully exploits the flexibility and power of Steinberg's renowned Cubase Music Production System.

In other words, this is a high-powered interface with 8 built-in mic pres, plus the ability to offload some of your effect processing out of your computer. That allows you to record and playback more tracks, or used even more effects than before. All that with nearly zero-latency. We dig it!

Sincerely,

The Ministry of Weekly Specials

Now: With more people inside!

As many of The Musician's Laboratory Blog readers have noted, it's been a while since our last post. Far be it from me to be unwilling to respond to the will of the people, so herewith is yet another post, filled with letters and punctuation in myriad combinations intended to express more or less complete thoughts.

A lot has been happening at The Laboratory, most significantly in the area of staffing. As of this month, we now have some new faces on hand, which are attached to individual bodies with feet and hands, to facilitate moving about and interacting with things. Many readers will already know these bright young folks, since they have already been staffing the Laboratory's music school.

Joe Lauricella, the wildly popular Guitar Medic, who has become a major presence at our store due to his growing clientele of guitarists and bassists, can now also be seen working at The Laboratory as a regular staffer. If you are here to look at guitars, who better than the area's premier setup expert to let you know just what makes your next axe the right one for you?

Ray Gallagher has been teaching drum set with us, and now joins the staff several nights a week. Ray's knowledge of all things music is well rounded: in addition to playing drums, he also plays guitar, bass, and keyboard, and is at present studying recording. Ray's hobbies are popping out from behind boxes and offering explanations to scientific questions which involve the behavior of drinking straws in varying pressures and gravitational effects.

Trevor Knauss, known to his Vulcan associates simply as Trevork, is our vocal instructor, and he also has expertise in violin and tuba. Yes tuba. Trevor plays guitar as well, so basically he's one of those guys. Recently he joined up with rock band Axis, which features the next person I'm going to write about. Namely:

Stefan Hojnacki is very tall. And he has long red hair. He has stupefyingly massive guitar chops. So when you see him, make sure you ask lots of questions about aardvarks. Stefan is on the showroom floor sparsely, since he stays quite busy bringing up the next generation of shred kings.

Please join us in warmly welcoming these four lads to the fold. We're a better shop for them.

But wait there's more! For example:

Orange Crush guitar packs. It's a cool Orange (the brand, not the color) guitar and Orange (the brand and also the color) Crush amplifier. It's a box of all that a potential rocker needs to realize their rock potential. And it's $239. A vote for Orange is a vote for Rock. On that matter there is little debate.

Jay's Smile

A while back we were approached by a fellow from Underwood Memorial Hospital named Walter. Walter told us that he and some of his colleagues were chipping in to buy a guitar. He then told us about Jay Reardon, who was to be the recipient of the guitar.

Jay is an old timer who has done a lot to leave his mark in the world of music. He was a well known country/western guitarist and singer, and worked with many great acts, including The Wanderers, The Orbitones, Bernie Betts and The Sunset Ramblers, and many other greats in years past.

In more recent years, Jay had been dealt some tough knocks. His dear wife and musical partner Irene passed away, and he lost his home and all he had in a fire. Following this hardship, Jay has taken residence in Gloucester Manor Nursing Home. By Walter's account, this resilient musician never complained about the recent difficulties he's faced, and always manages a smile. His upbeat and gracious personality so endeared him to Walter and his colleagues at Underwood Memorial, that they decided he ought to have a guitar to play. Walter came to the Laboratory, and of course we were more than glad to help him choose a modestly priced but well made acoustic from Hohner. And that was that - a humbling act of generosity in which we had the good fortune to play a small part.

Then Walter sent us this picture of Jay with his new axe:

If that Honer were a dog, I'm pretty sure it would be wagging its tail. Thanks to Walter and his friends for taking good care of a guitar player in need of a guitar, and for letting us be a part of it. And thanks to Jay for that smile. That, my friends, is what it's all about.

None more black

Have the Music Technologists at The Laboratory discovered the answer to Spinal Tap's age old question: How much blacker could this be?

Perhaps.

Take, for example, the Blackheart Little Giant amp which recently appeared on our showroom floor. This is a small black box, equipped with Class A, all-tube circuitry for allowing maximum frequency response and coolness. It is an elegant thing of simple design and straightforward focus. The result is a lush, warm tone, with plenty of punch and clarity. No circuit beyond the essential requirements of rich tube amplification is present to trip up your guitar mojo as it erupts from the Blackheart's 12" Eminence Blackheart speaker.

And what better tool for driving the Blackheart Little Giant than the Schecter Blackjack ATX C1? With its black chrome hardware, ebony fingerboard, and black binding, this is a striking guitar. Tonally it is just enormous, with the included active Seymour Duncan Black Out pickups. Black black black. And the body? Gloss aged white. You gotta have a little contrast, you know.

If you just read all of that and said "what the heck are you talking about??" then this may be a sign you are a drummer. Good news! Perched upon our floor in the drum room (yes we have a room now!) is a five piece monstrosity in the form of a Yamaha Absolute Birch Nouveau kit. Birch produces a dark, rich tone, and packs plenty of volume and presence. Yamaha's Absolute Birch shells are resonant and dynamic, projecting body and presence at any volume threshold. Innovative nouveau lugs facilitate fast head changes, and present minimal contact to the shell, so the percussive energy can get the shells moving as much as possible. The exquisite lacquer finish is Black sparkle.

The blackness of it all is somewhat unsettling to the faint of heart, some of whom have demanded that we reconsider packing a music shop with so much dark energy. No doubt the universe is in no danger of collapsing in on itself as a result. But if so, then that is the price we pay for our art. Either way, playing music is a fine pastime until the cosmological constant has been established in light of all this.

Rock on, in blackness and rich tonality.

www.laboratorymusic.com

Laboratory Staff Enacts Catch and Release Policy

Last Saturday, I completed a particularly heavy round of getting mail order packages into the hands of their respective carriers. Upon my return, I was informed that The Laboratory had been besieged by a cunning and evasive squirrel. My colleagues had done their best to corral the critter out the same door it had entered, but nobody was certain if it had or had not surreptitiously made its exit.

It wasn't long before our ears let us know that we were in fact still heavy one rodent. Since we had about 1/2 hour until closing time, I became concerned that a polite "last call" inquiry might fail to entice the frightened forager to make its exit. So I made a call to our friend George at Statewide Exterminating, and explained that we were concerned about locking a squirrel in overnight. He graciously volunteered the use of a non-lethal trap, which we could use to bag the intruder for release into the field behind our shop, where many of the squirrel kind are known to frolic daily.

Right about the time I finished my call to George, my colleague Aaron had scared the squirrel out of its hiding spot amidst some PA speakers. We now had the wily critter cornered in a sort of corral made of boxes of Yamaha drum hardware.

Aaron and I plotted to try to wrangle the squirrel out the front door, which we had propped open to entice our guest's egress. I was able to prod the creature from it's hiding spot with a cymbal boom arm, which the poor rodent fiercely attacked in vain, letting out some rather whimpering battle cries. At last it sprang from amidst the boxes, and headed toward the front door, Aaron and I cacophonously giving chase. But the path a squirrel will follow when two grown men are stomping and shouting is one fraught with unpredictability. Alas, the path out the door was the only vector the shrewd mammal ignored. Among its preferred trajectories was a zig-zag pattern ending with a bombastic bass drum accent. Who knew that a squirrel noggin would be such a warm and articulate alternative to the traditional bass drum beater? More unexpected learning for the ravenous audio researchers at The Laboratory. And amazingly, it gave us both the slip. I am convinced that squirrels possess the secret of teleportation, but not the secret of looking both ways before crossing the street. Aaron speculated that perhaps we didn't see the animal scurrying out the door, but I was dubious that anything could be that easy.

So it was that Aaron and I could no longer stave off the admission of defeat, and I proceeded to visit with our exterminator friend, to acquire the squirrel trap and receive some tutoring in its operation. Tutoring in the trap, that is. I already knew that the operation of the squirrel was beyond my comprehension. George was good enough to supply some peanuts, and had applied a wad of peanut butter to the trigger of the trap. How could our startled friend resist such an aromatic temptation?

Back at The Laboratory, Aaron was just finishing the end of day tasks, and we left the baited trap with a pile of peanuts inside of it for our overnight shopper to explore (i.e. become ensnared in), and made our way home.

Sunday I entered the store expecting to find an angry creature in the trap, but I was amazed to discover it empty. Aaron must have been right! George the exterminator stopped in to collect his trap, and when I explained that it was empty, he suggested that I should keep it another day, just in case.

All day Sunday we operated as normal, and by all appearances were completely squirrel-free. I resolved to return the trap to George the next day, and again we closed up shop. I wasn't entirely certain about the critter's whereabouts, though, so I left the trap baited and armed.

Monday morning and still no capture. There was much busy activity as a result of the day's business, and all thoughts of an on board squirrel were diminished to the awareness of a trap in need of returning. That's when the little rascal appeared again! However unlikely, the furry freak had resisted the peanut butter and the open door, and only chose to emerge as I was nearly ready to return the trap. There was some more wrangling, and the squirrel was last seen darting behind some PA speakers. Mark placed the trap in the darkened recess behind those loudspeakers, and all was quiet for a few minutes.

CLUNK!

That was the sound we had been waiting for. To our great joy and relief, the squirrel had at last succumbed to the overwhelming combination of a days-empty stomach, and the etherial scent of peanuts and peanut butter.

I picked up the squirrel filled cage and, trailing peanuts as they slipped between the wire mesh, made my way out the back door. I set the cage gently down near the tree line, careful not to pinch the little fella's delicate toes. Once the cage was at rest on the ground, I opened the trap door, and the squirrel burst from the enclosure and made light speed scampering into the thicket. It was a joyous moment, since I had a keen interest in barring the animal from our shop with no injury to rodent or to man.

www.laboratorymusic.com

Laboratory Jounal Volume 3

Welcome to the third installation of The Laboratory's critically acclaimed newsletter! On to the topics:

Web Page
Our web page is continuing to evolve and improve. One of the latest features we're testing is a chat function, which allows shoppers to chat real time. In addition, we're still hacking away at the massive pile of gear which exists in the store but hasn't yet made it to the web site. Day by day there are more and more items displayed and available at www.laboratorymusic.com, as well as featured product reviews, video content, and links to our network of area musicians.

Michael Kelly Hybrid
The Michael Kelly Hybrid is an electric guitar with a piezo acoustic pickup. You can send each pickup's signal to two different amps using a stereo output cable, or send both pickup signals to the same amp with a mono cable. Either way, the guitar has on board blending control to adjust the ratio of acoustic to electric. With its slender, hollow body, and speedy neck, this is a player's electric which can deliver acoustic sound. None of this is news - they've been around for a while now. The news is that we've got two of the last Hybrids made. The model for $499 has been discontinued, so when these are gone, they're gone. Come check out what a versatile and playable guitar this is for the money. Get 'em while they last. Operators are standing by. Call now and SAVE.

Peavey
Come check out the Peavey amps! We've recently stocked up on Peavey's rugged and sonorous amps for guitar, bass, and keyboard. We've got plenty. We even have a JSX Mini Colossal combo signed by Joe Satriani himself. This class A, all tube amplifier is a tremendous recording or practice amp, with plenty of tube tone. It's also a collector piece, bearing the signature of the guitar icon for whom it was designed. This will be someone's treasured collector piece. Maybe that somebody is you...

Foraging Ban
Sadly, we have had to cease providing nuts and berries for foraging, as area squirrels have begun aggressively pursuing recognition as part of our customer base. While we think their tricky antics are hilarious, and their puffy cheeks and tails are just adorable, we can not service squirrel "shoppers" and still maintain the high level of quality in our selection of instruments and amplifiers. It is just a matter of time before the squirrel's fondness for dashing at oncoming wheels clashes unpleasantly with somebody rolling a PA speaker across the floor on a hand truck. The newly enacted ban's adjunct to prohibit gnawing applies also to our two-legged visitors, so please keep a close watch on those mandibular urges and teething toddlers.In conclusion, here is wishing you a happy and musically inspiring spring!

www.laboratorymusic.com

It's All About the Connections

Now is indeed a fine time to play music. With computers popping up upon every available flat surface in households, and pro-sounding recording technology finally becoming available at very attainable cost, the ability of the average person to create a good sounding recording of their own music is greatly empowered compared to just ten years ago, when your options were state of the art computer gear (with its inherent expense and learning curve), poor sounding tape, or paying a professional for studio time.

Now, with any current computer, you can build a respectable home recording setup for under $500. Way under!

But you will need connections. It's true that the music industry is one where the right connections are everything, so I'm not going to pretend otherwise. Having the right connections is critical if you want to be heard. Not having any connections is a sure fire method to wallow in frustration.

The good news is that you can get them here. Most are inexpensive, too. For example, if you want to plug your bass guitar directly into your computer, you will need a 1/4" to 3.5mm connector. We have that! If you want to send a mix of your background music through your PA system to accompany yourself at a coffee shop gig, you're gonna need a mini phone to RCA pair connector. We have that also.

And the connections you have now must be maintained. You don't just make a connection and then forget about it. Connections like guitar and microphone cables must be maintained, and periodically replaced. When it's time to renew your connections, The Laboratory has all that stuff.

We have recently poured over our many catalogs,  and ordered all kinds of obscure connectors and whatnots, closing the gap between having lots of connections, and having all of them. Need a connector to plug a balanced mic into a guitar amp? We got that. Need a connection between studio headphones and a mono mini jack? We got that. We have 1/4 to 1/8, LoZ to HiZ, XLR to RCA, single stereo to dual mono, Betaflux to Dilithium (which hasn't even been invented yet). Yes, we even have the machine that goes "bing."

At The Laboratory, it's all about connections. Connecting with our customers, connecting our customers with their gear, connecting gear to other gear, connecting with new and exciting toys. As Plato said, "Connecting your nonlinear editing system to an array of varied instruments requires many adaptors and cables."*

Wow did I really just write seven paragraphs about adaptors?

www.laboratorymusic.com

*Not really something Plato said.